Slammy Awards are an often forgotten Grammy wanna-be showcase in wrestling. However, I'm surprised that anyone who saw the 1996 edition actually could forget it, even if they wanted to! Watching this edition of the Slammies was sometimes cringeworthy, sometimes silly, sometimes hilarious, and at times just outright bizarre.
This Slammy Awards took place the night before Wrestlemania XII, and thus it was purely an awards show with no wrestling. The ring was used as a stage with one section of the ropes removed.
The show started off with Todd Pettengill singing to the crowd.
The show started off with Todd Pettengill singing to the crowd.
He sang parodies of different songs, intersplicing wrestlers names into the lyrics. This included singing about how sexy Shawn Michaels is, even discussing his thong underwear. Then went into a 'Addam's Family' theme rendition devoted to Goldust and a version of 'Hey Mickey' about the Ultimate Warrior.
He ends it with a classic jab, "Screw you Ted Turner, Let's Start the Show"! Keep in mind this was during a period of time in which WCW was reigning supreme in wrestling.
1st award of the night is presented by the Godwinns and Hillbilly Jim for Best Buns.
Best Buns. Certainly a way to start off.
The highlight of this was the pretapes shown before the award presentation of the wrestlers salivating over nice "buns". Even the Undertaker was feelin' alive and said "nice asssss" in the same tone he would say, "Rest in Peace". What in the world... that was the most bizarre bit of audio to hear as Undertaker is in full dead-man attire.
The nominees were Sunny, Goldust, Shawn Michaels, Razor Ramon, and Yokozuna. Yes, in that list is only one woman. We were treated to a minute long video showcasing each nominees "buns".
Sunny won, but I wouldn't have put it past WWE to give the award to any other nominee. Sunny accepts the award in full dress and denies showing any of her "nice buns".
Next up: Slammin' Jammin' Entrance presented by Ted Dibiase and Steve Austin. A young Stone Cold looks quite out of place in a full tuxedo get-up.
Nominees: Diesel, Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Undertaker, Goldust
Goldust walked up, thinking he was going to be announced the winner. However, Shawn Michaels won this Slammy. HBK attempts a quick acceptance speech that he stammers a bit in but essentially gives some foreshadowing for his awe-inspiring entrance the next night at Wrestlemania XII.
Before the WWE pushed its Smartphone app on you, or told you to go to WWE.com to vote, they shilled there 900 hotline!
People are typically apathetic towards voting during the Slammies nowadays, so I can't imagine asking them to pay 99cents per minute for the ability to do so. My guess was a lot of kids weren't getting that 'Parents Permission'.
'Put a Fork in Him, He's Done' Award was next and it was the goofy 90's name for Best Finisher award. Bob Backlund and a rep. from Tyco RC Cars presented this award and they actually had a RC Car drive out the envelope to announce the winner, Bret the Hitman Hart and his Sharpshooter. Both men who are main-eventing Wrestlemania XII the next night have won a Slammy Award. Bret Hart uses his acceptance speech as an opportunity to push tomorrow nights huge 60 minute ironman match with Shawn Michaels.
Next up was the award for 'Crime of the Century' presented by Jim Cornette and Clarence Mason. Cornette makes fun of Pettengill's singing earlier in the night, and Clarence Mason goes on to cut a very poor promo about being an excellent defense attorney; he was not believable in the least.
Nominees were: 123 Kid quick-counts Razor, Sid powerbombs HBK, Vader attacks Gorilla Monsoon, Diesel powerbombs Bret, and Owen KO's HBK. The award was given to Vader for his vicious assault on former WWF President Gorilla Monsoon. Cornette proceeds to cut a promo hyping up Vader vs. Yokozuna. Vader looks very silly in a tux but atleast knew not to wear his mask...Well, until the '97 Slammy Awards
Next up was the presentation for the "New Sensation" of the WWF. They used this award to also hype up the "New Sensation" to the USA Network, 'Pacific Blue'. Never heard of this show...but they had performers from the show out to present this award.
Nominees - Isaac Yankem D.D.S (Kane as a rookie in his Bad Dentist gimmick), Ahmed Johnson, Body Donnas, Savio Vega, and Goldust. The winner was Ahmed Johnson, and he cuts a solid humble baby face promo. Actually one of the best promos I've heard from Ahmed, who even gets in a few shots at WCW (WheelChair Wrestling).
After those WCW shots, we get the introduction of 'Billionaire Ted'.
This was a running gag that included parodying Ted Turner as 'Billionaire Ted', Hulk Hogan as 'Huckster', and Macho Man as 'Nacho Man' in which they were portrayed as WCW old timers in, and WWF was hosting the NEW GENERATION of young exciting talent.
These skits had gone on for awhile and continued till Wrestlemania XII in which WWF presented the Huckster vs. Nacho Man with special ref Billionaire Ted. They had commentary done by Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler in a 'Mystery Science Theatre' manner. They presented them as ancient performers who 'expired' in the ring all the while Billionaire Ted couldn't care less about his performers.
Billionaire Ted was there to present award for the 'I'm talking and I can't shut up' Biggest Mouth. Nominees were Dok Hendrix, Brother Love, Jerry the King Lawler, Jim Cornette, and Jim Ross. Billionaire announces Jerry the King Lawler the winner without even looking in the envelope. Not much of a surprise there.
Best Threads award was presented next by Mr. Trivia & Fatale (Who?...no really, who?) and the Nominees were Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Mr. Perfect, Goldust, Ted Dibiase, and Shawn Michaels. HBK leaves with his 2nd Slammy Award of the night, thus far. HBK hands his award off to the woman who actually makes his ring-gear. The same presenter duo also hands out the 'Blue Light Special' award for Worst Dressed. The mini pre tapes shown before each award were the best part.
This also included a hilarious pre tape of Undertaker saying "I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that". Jim Cornette won 'Worst Dressed' award, and obviously was upset. Dok Hendrix couldn't have been any happier, clapping excitedly as he was sure he was leaving with that embarrassing award.
Goldust and Marlena are up next to present the next award, "WWF's Greatest Hit" but while walking upstage Vince McMahon mentions Goldust recent appearance on the Conan O' Brien show.
Wait. What? Goldust was on Conan? Yes, yes he was. WWE fails to show you any footage of this, but instead here it is! Its certainly an interesting sight to see.
Undertaker wins the Slammy for dragging Diesel underneath the ring during the Diesel/Bret Hart Steel Cage match. This award was given to hype up Undertaker vs. Diesel happening the next night at Wrestlemania XII. Goldust and Marlena leave and don't announcer a winner, selling that they were unhappy with the choice; Todd Pettengill announces Undertaker as the winner. The camera scans the room for any 'goth' looking girls and says the Undertaker has his 'Creatures of the Night' here.
Rob Perth, a USA Network exec., presents the award for 'Minds behind the Mayhem' (Best Manager) to Sunny, who is walking away with her 2nd Slammy of the Night. Sunny pushes for her own TV Show on USA Network, and the crowd goes wild at the thought of 30 straight minutes of just Sunny. Sunny was immensely popular, to the point of being AOL's 'Most Downloaded Woman of the Year'.
Vince McMahon was introduced to give out the 'LifeTime Achievement Award' to Classy Freddie Blassie. This was given out before the WWF had its annual installment of the Hall of Fame. Similar to the Slammy Awards, the Hall of Fame was on-and-off for a bit but was brought back on a annual basis with formal announcements in 2004.
Straight from Lifetime Achievement Award, we go straight to 'Most Embarrassing Moment' presented by none other than the Luke and Butch, the Bushwhackers. The award is given out to Jerry Lawler for being forced to kiss his own foot by Bret Hart. That's his 2nd Slammy for the night, who accompanies Sunny and HBK as winning two Slammy's thus far. Jerry Lawler should have won for his ridiculous mullet he has going on.
Oddly enough, they transition to a Buddy Rose Blow Away Diet commercial. This was a gimmick Buddy Rose had upon returning to the WWF in 1990 as he had gained significant weight. WWF attempted to poke fun at this by giving him a fake weight loss commercial.
However, this was in 1990... and they brought it back up during the 1996 Slammy Awards and Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler made weight loss jokes (Call 1-900-LARDASS to Order).
This was even more out of place considering Buddy Rose was not in WWF or WCW at the time, so the shot seemed pointless and out of nowhere.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley is out next to present the award for 'Squared Circle Shocker'. Nominees included Goldust debut, Barry Horowitz 1st victory, 123 Kid turns on Razor Ramon, Bob Backlund running for president, and Shawn Michaels collapse in the ring. 'HBK collapsing in the middle of the ring due to a enziguri kick from Owen Hart' was the Slammy award winner. During the intro, Hunter makes a reference to having the 'biggest balls' so you can already see more of the DX HHH come out and the uppity suave yuppie personality becoming less and less predominant in his character.
Owen Hart came out to accept the award and cut a promo on HBK, Bret, and his family entirely.
Owen Hart came out to accept the award and cut a promo on HBK, Bret, and his family entirely.
Next up was the 'Master of Mat Mechanics' Slammy Award being awarded to Shawn Michaels! That is the 3rd Slammy Award thus far for HBK. Shawn says he wants to give this award to
"Someone who has had me on the mat more times than I can count...no, not you Sunny" making reference to their insinuated affair. Shawn actually gives the Slammy to his friend/trainer Jose Lothario. WWF is really trying to build up Shawn Michaels the night before Wrestlemania XII.
They had playing music videos throughout the night for different superstars to determine the 'Best Music Video' award. This award was given to the video for Bret Hart; the videos especially between Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart were well done and helped build up their characters before their Wrestlemania battle. Bret Hart makes mention to his rumored retirement and says not in the near future, and even goes on to hype up tomorrow nights match with HBK by saying that "those 9 cheerleaders who beat you up in Syracuse, NY will be nothing compared to the Ironman match". This was in reference to the real life assault that occurred in Syracuse when several man ambushed HBK at a bar.
...and immediately after, Shawn Michaels wins ANOTHER Slammy! Jim Ross presents him with the Best Match Award (HBK vs. Razor Ramon Summerslam Ladder Match) which is Shawn's 4th Slammy Award this night. He didn't have much competition for this award since it was based on mostly matches in 1995...just check out a few nominees for BEST MATCH OF THE YEAR:
LT vs. Bigelow at Wrestlemania XI
Finkel vs Wippleman in a Tuxedo Match
Bret Hart vs Diesel at Survivor Series 1995
Godwinn vs HHH in a Hog Pen Match from IYH #5
1995 was a rough year for the WWF.
After this they announced the winner of the previously mentioned call-in voted award;
Bret the Hitman Hart. Bret Hart ends the night with three Slammy Awards.
The final award of the night is for 'Leader of the New Generation' presented by Roddy Piper and his son Colt. Diesel, Razor Ramon, Bret Hart, Undertaker, and Shawn Michaels were the nominees & Shawn Michaels walks away with his forth Slammy Award this night. Shawn Michaels came up to the stage and all four times said maybe a sentence or two each, and barely got thru that. It was odd to see a man known for his incredible potential on the mic to struggle. WWF asked USA Network for extra time for this special but apparently some bits ran long as they had to go off the air before Shawn Michaels could even talk after winning the 'Leader of the New Generation' Slammy Award.
While this wasn't the worst awards show, it was very forgettable. Even immediately after watching it, all I can really recall is the buildup for HBK vs. Bret Hart, and the singing by Todd Pettengill..and of course, Undertaker talking about fashion and "buns" in his 'Deadman' voice. Hilarious.
If you look back on all the Slammy Awards, there is a lot of forgotten moments because all-in-all, the Slammy Awards are typically just filler segments meant to try to build up to a pay-per-view or special event. However, that doesn't mean they aren't worth checking out cause if you skip them you'll miss out on some moments that have to be seen to believed, and also some moments that are so bad that their good...
'Till Next Time!
@inrogers29
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